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Article by Cameron Spink
An article titled “Should you sleep with someone on a first date” recently appeared on news.com.au. The author, Emma-Kate Dobbin, contends that a man is not modern if he is concerned by the amount of sexual activity his partner has had. Dobbin's is obviously alluding to the perceived double standard where in the woman is expected to remain pure whilst the man can have as much sexual intercourse as he wants and still avoid any stigma.
Dobbins states that surveys show that men are more comfortable with a partner who, in the past, have had less than five sexual partners. As to this point I absolutely concur with Dobbins. Nobody should be excluded from having to worry about their own sexual history. At own stage or another you must confess your sexual escapades to a partner that you wish to commit to. A man should not be considered a legend because of how many women he has exploited in his bed.
Dobbin's article, obviously an attempt for greater public exposure to femininity, claims that women can separate sex from emotions. This is ridiculous. One cannot engage in an activity such as sex without conceding some sort of emotional attachment to their partner. It is extremely difficult to separate what you do and what you feel. Only a psychopath can kill without remorse. Why do people believe so ardently that they are in love with their sexual partner? It is because they confuse sex for intimacy. Meaningless sex does not exist.
Perhaps the most interesting part of the article is the responses on the forum below the article. Emma-Kate Dobbins gives her readers a chance to answer the question she attempted to answer. The significant portion of respondents replied in the affirmative. The general consensus being “if I hit it off with someone on the first date and felt like it .... why not....?” This displays the age-old response, if I can, I should. But Paul is clear in 1 Corinthians that what is permissible to me may not always be beneficial Perhaps more than anything else people don't like being told what to do.
Even if it is the best thing for them. This attitude is reflected in the forum. In essence posters responses are, don't tell us what to do and what's more, don't judge us for the decisions we make. In a western culture that is so individual-rights focused this is hardly unexpected. For a lot of people all that matter's is that they have the ability to do whatever they want and that justifies and protects them.
Further arguments for having sex on a first date center around the belief that sex does not comprise emotions (much like Dobbins position). One poster states their opinion as:
The notion that women will lose something precious, or be giving it away by having sex. What on earth are you people talking about? Get over it.”
Virginity is seen as something that exists in the mind and does not have a physical or mental affect upon us. I would again suggest that it is impossible to separate physical pleasure with emotions. For if some act brings us pleasure, why wouldn't I want to do it again? And if somebody brings me pleasure why wouldn't I feel an emotional attachment to that person?
There is a small minority of posters who believe that sex should not occur on a first date. The prevailing reason for this belief seems to be because of the intimacy sex creates. But there are some posters who allude to consequences. One post states “it's not only about what you want, but the consequences...”. This is incredibly insightful. One reason why sex should be avoided is the consequences that can and will occur if one persists in sexual activities. These are namely “children without fathers, abortions, family court” not to mention the diseases that can only occur through sexual activities.
One poster was particularly perceptive when they mentioned:
When I was younger, I didn't care what anyone else thought I wasn't looking for a relationship and my lifestyle suited me. However, my values have now changed so I'd like to think that I would behave a little more conservatively.”
Sex is a choice, nay a lifestyle, that is regrettable. Pre-marital sex leaves scars. There are emotional attachments that you cannot break, a piece of you that cannot be returned.
Sex is the most revealing act an individual can participate in with another. It is more than a physical act. It involves two beings trusting one another completely. So should one have sex on a first date? By no means. I do not differentiate between the sexes. Neither a man nor or a woman should have sex on a first date. No commitment may be what you are after, but it is a selfish and destructive tendency that not only affects you but affects the other person as well. In finishing I'll leave you with a wise quote left by a website visitor, too many relationships begin with sex and end in tantrums.
What is your opinion of sex on first dates? Have your say on our forum.
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